Good Descriptions and Figurative Language (Peter and the Star Catchers)

I’m a sucker for descriptions that help me smell, taste, feel, or otherwise visualize a location. William Kent Kreuger does it better than anyone in his novel This Tender Land, and I tried to capture some of that in my own novel Suddenly Rural Girl. Dave Barry and Ridley Pearson do it well throughout their Peter and the Star Catchers prequel to Peter Pan series. Here are a few examples:

The line below from Peter and the Shadow Thieves captures an oppressive atmosphere that sets the mood for an oppressive scene.

“The pale, sinking, northern sun was no match for the city’s blanket of clouds and dark gray fog, thickened by coal smoke and soot drifting out of ten thousand chimneys.”

and

“In the city’s wealthier areas, the streets were illuminated–somewhat–by gas lamps, each creating a small, round island of light (or at least diminished gloom).

Once out of the city, we’re introduced to the ocean, a clear and beautiful contrast:

“He didn’t mind being sent up to check the sails, because he enjoyed the view so much. The ocean spread out before him like a vast blue tablecloth, interrupted by the occasional white stitch of foam on wave.”

and the ocean can turn on the sailor’s too…

“For another minute, the sea continued to bubble and boil, as one by one, other desperate swimmers were suddenly sucked below. Then, at once, the sea quieted, becoming as flat as a country pond.”

The authors also used those atmospheric descriptions to make a character even more ominous.

“An inhuman roar of rage, like wind from a deep, cold cave, filled the night.”

and

“Caw! Caw! The sound came from a half dozen ravens circling high above Ombra’s carriage, following it obediently like dark kites on invisible strings.”

Finding ways to describe a scene with figurative language in a way that connects the reader to time, place, mood, and character is important. Barry and Pearson do it as well as anyone.

If you recall Peter Pan fondly, you’ll love Peter and the Star Catchers . . . and the over books in the series. You can find more about the novels and authors on Goodreads.

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A Touch of Humor. (Peter and the Star Catchers)

Let’s take a look at a few more passages from Dave Barry and Ridley Pearson in their Peter and the Star Catchers series. These are a few that made me chuckle. The Pearson/Barry combination expertly sneaks humor into passages throughout the novels. I’ll post a few of my favorite quotes from the book here and in a couple of future posts.

One in a series is not like the other. Here, Barry and Pearson give us three proper and formal names, and then the image of a dog, perhaps with references to a brass instrument, physical exertion, and anatomical slang. The Lion King movie did something similar with the three hyenas: Shenzi, Banzai, and . . . Ed.

“Louise and Molly,” said Leonard,” may I present Mister Cadigan, Mister Hodge, and Mister Jarvis. The dog’s name, I’m afraid, is Hornblower.“

Later, the smarter captain belittles his associate with an impossible exaggeration, and the first mate still doesn’t get it.

“You are an idjit, Smee.”
” Aye, Cap’n.”
“If you were to engage in a battle of wits with a sponge, Smee, my money would be on the sponge.”

Another great bit, and character description is the pirate Black Stache’s affection for his mother.

“Black Stache had no love for the Queen. No love for women of any sort, except for his ma. He had a real soft spot for his ma, and was truly sorry for the time he marooned her.”

If you recall Peter Pan fondly, you’ll love Peter and the Star Catchers . . . and the other books in the series. You can find more about the novels and authors on Goodreads.

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Physicality in Peter and the Star Catchers

Peter and the Star Catchers, and the subsequent novels by Dave Barry and Ridley Pearson are treats, especially for those who fell in love with the story of Peter Pan years ago. It’s the first of their prequel novels, and the Pearson/Barry combination expertly weaves all of the magic and playfulness into a story that explains the magic and playfulness of Peter Pan, itself. I’ll post a few of my favorite quotes from the book here and in a couple of future posts.

Here, let’s look at the clever physical descriptions. To me, finding a way to describe a person in a way the reader wouldn’t expect is what sucks me in. For example, the bully nemisis:

“He ducked then, avoiding the hamlike right first of Edward Grempkin. He was always keenly aware of where this fist was; he’d been dodging it for seven years now. “

Immediately, we understand the owner of the hamlike fist and the relationship between the characters. No much more is needed. Just the meaty fist. In the next passage, we meet the villain:

“He was a strikingly unpleasant figure, with a pockmarked face and a large red nose, like a prize turnip, glued to his face. His long black hair, greasy from years without washing, stained the shoulders of the red uniform coat he’d stolen from a Navy sailor on the high seas, just before escorting that wretched soul over the side of the ship. He had dark, deepset, piercingly black eyes, overshadowed by eyebrows so bushy that he had to brush them away to see . . .”

The nose like a PRIZE turnip is a fantastic description. His nose wasn’t an ordinary turnip, it was PRIZE. That made me want to look up characteristics of a prize turnip:

  • smooth, globe-shaped or uniform root contours
  • clear color separation (bright purple top where exposed to sunlight)
  • an optimal size of 2 to 3 inches in diameter
  • Perfectly symmetrical, round, or slightly flattened depending on the variety, with a clean taproot.

Of all the ways to describe a nose, a prize turnip is a fun one. In Peter and the Shadow Thieves (Book 2), the villain gets the following description:

“Nerezza’s cheeks and brow were deeply cratered amd scarred from a disease he’d picked up in some godforsaken port. His eyes were small, close-set, ratlike; his teeth, a disaster. But these weren’t the most distinctive features of his ravaged face.”

And in the next sentence, it gets worse. Fast. I won’t spoil it for you. But it’s good. It’s a description worthy of the villain.

Soon after, we get a detailed, and humorous, description of the character who would become known as Captain Hook:

“The hook was a nasty-looking semi-circle of shining steel fashioned from a dagger by one of Black Stache’s handier crewmen, and bound to the captain’s wrist stump by a stout leather strap. It was sharp as a razor, so sharp that Black Stache had several times cut himself in unfortunate places by absentmindedly scratching.“

If you recall Peter Pan fondly, you’ll love Peter and the Star Catchers . . . and the other books in the series. You can find more about the novels and authors on Goodreads.

Be sure to subscribe, below, to get updates about Dann’s reading and writing, and The Worst Thing About Sam!

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Writing Funny: Rewrite your Joke

I’m nearly done with my comic thriller, The Worst Thing About Sam, I wanted to re-post some of these “Writing Funny” tips I pulled together along the way:

Your clever line may be hilarious–but if you tweak it (or twerk it, depending on your audience), it could be funnier.

First, and always, consider your audience. Catholics tend to think Olympic Ceremonies co-mingling drag queens and the Last Supper is unfunny. Liberals rarely appreciate jokes referencing Global Cooling, Global Warming, or Climate Change . . . or whatever the trillion-dollar-grift is called now. Teen boys think “your mom” jokes are hilarious; your mom doesn’t.

Next, play with your word choice and sentence structure. Barf is a funnier dog name than Spot. Noob is funnier sounding than inexperienced. And if your rambling complaint can be summed up with eat my shorts you’re on the right track–even Bart Simpson knows that.

In his book, How to Write Funny, Scott Dikkers suggests practicing your verbal pratfalls. A comma here or a word swap there–especially with your audience in mind–can be the difference between a knee-slapper and a sigh. And, as you write, worry less. Just write and rewrite. Your audience–maybe your mom–will let you know.

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Writing Funny: Humor in Any Situation

I’m nearly done with my comic thriller, The Worst Thing About Sam, so I wanted to re-post some of these “Writing Funny” tips I pulled together along the way:

Years ago, I taught an acting and film unit called “The Seven Causes of Laughter” and it covered things like Exaggeration, Incongruity, Protection Factor, Relief of Pressure, and more. Relief of Pressure is an important concept when trying to find humor in difficult situations. When tension builds or emotions are already high, a well-timed quip can create a burst of laughter like a pressure valve letting off steam. Those who understand it, who can find humor in even the toughest situation, can get a lighten the mood and deescalate tensions . . . because they can get a laugh. And people like to laugh.

Scott Dikkers reminds us of that in his book, How to Write Funny. What I would add is that this kind of humor must be even more sensitive with the audience–or those within ear shot. For example, a paramedic’s lighthearted quip in close-proximity of a victim’s family can be seen as insensitive and professionally problematic. (On the bright side, it may be an excellent way to initiate a career change.)

Keep looking for humor…in any situation. Then, use some of the other tips in Dikkers’ book to learn how it can be written…funny.

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Writing Funny: It’s all about the…

… timing.

Got a few more of these “Writing Funny” tips that stood out:

Truly, I think this this is what makes writing funny more difficult than performing funny. In a performance, you can hold for a split-second to be sure the audience is following before hitting them with the punchline. Then, you can stop, start, speed up, slow-down, repeat, change your inflection, or pull the escape hatch with your joke based on the immediate feedback you’re audience gives you. With prose in print, you’ve given up that control–leaving you only two weapons: word choice and punctuation . . . and you have almost no control over when or how it will hit your reader.

Scott Dikkers acknowledges that in How to Write Funny, and offered a few tips. Don’t be afraid to PUSH or stress for emphasis. It’s OK to break. things–up–with punctuation. Even offering points of elipsis. One. Word. Sentences. Or using

  • Bullet Points
  • for
  • Clarity
  • or Emphasis.

Because timing . . . is everything. And you’ve got a limited weapons cache with prose.

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The Scent of a Good Story (Peter and the Star Catchers)

Peter and the Star Catchers, by Dave Barry and Ridley Pearson is a treat, especially for those who fell in love with the story of Peter Pan years ago. It’s the first of their prequal novels, and the Pearson/Barry combination expertly weave all of the magic and playfulness into a story that explains the magic and playfulness of Peter Pan, itself. I’ll post a few of my favorite quotes from the book here, and in future posts.

“The carriage interior, hot and stuffy, smelled of five smallish boys and one largish man, none of whom was keen on bathing.”

The book itself deals with unkempt boys, London, (before plumbing and air conditioning), and long days at sea. Smells play an important part. Frequently, the aromas become obstacles all by themselves:

“He fell back, momentarily staggered by the odor, then scrunched up his face and forced himself forward into the cabin, like a man walking against a gale.”

At times, those smells hinted at something pleasant, the memory of a mother for example, foreshadowing the reader’s introduction to a beautiful girl.

“But there was more: there was a . . . smell. It was flowers. New grass in a meadow right after a spring rain. A fresh orange being peeled. It was cinnamon and honey, and bread just baked and pulled from the oven. And another smell even more wonderful than all the others, though Alf couldn’t place it.”

And, that cleanliness helped create divisions in class and between characters.

“She was perhaps an inch taller than Peter, and by the look of her she took baths. At St. Norbert’s, Peter took one back a month, unless he could get out of it.”

If you recall Peter Pan fondly, you’ll love Peter and the Star Catchers . . . and the over books in the series. You can find more about the novels and authors on Goodreads.

Be sure to subscribe, below, to get updates about Dann’s reading and writing, and The Worst Thing About Sam!

To keep up on more of what I’m reading and writing, follow me on GoodReads and subscribe to my updates, below!

Writing Funny: Horror Stories are Easy

I’m nearly done with my comic thriller, The Worst Thing About Sam, so I wanted to re-post some of these “Writing Funny” tips I pulled together along the way:

Sad and scary things are universal. Evolution and Emotion have teamed up to make the dark-and-unknown scary and death-and-dying sad. Things that make us laugh is more nuanced and varies more from culture to culture, person to person . . . and political party to political party. (Memes featuring cats and ducks with guns wearing MAGA hats is currently making some conservatives chuckle and many liberals roll their eyes.)

In the quote below, Scott Dikkers poses the question that The Onion and the Babylon Bee take a stab at daily: “What if you want to make Readers laugh?”

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Writing Funny: Surprise People

I’m nearly done with my comic thriller, The Worst Thing About Sam, so I wanted to re-post some of these “Writing Funny” tips I pulled together along the way:

Twists and Reversals are great ways to get laughs–and to scare the daylights out of folks. For the grin, let the underdog overcome the Goliath or make the cute and cuddly pull off the caper. Even a sudden scare can often lead to a laugh, especially if the audience knows it hasn’t truly harmed their favorite character. It includes things like a goofy side-kick jumping out of a closet or a confetti cannon birthday surprise.

Surprise is a great tool in your “How to Write Funny” toolbox. Just remember that if like the likable character is hurt, the humor is often lost.

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Writing Funny: Comfort & Affliction

I’m nearly done with my comic thriller, The Worst Thing About Sam, so I wanted to re-post some of these “Writing Funny” tips I pulled together along the way:

No one wants to see the innocent child beaten down, but most of us do like too see the tables turned on the bully, so s/he or finally gets his or her comeuppance. The general population also has some common, shared, arch-enemies: violent criminals, corrupt government officials, the dictator, “boss,” and more; they’ve become too comfortable with their position or privilage. There are also cultural stereotypes that certain demographics may see as overly “comfortable” antagonists: members of the opposing political party, of a certain race, gender, or religion, or of the rival school or sports team or gang.

Your first step is often to establish the two characters. What makes Mr. Green unfairly Comfortable and Ms. Pink unfairly Afflicted. Having taken that important step, you’ve positioned yourself to get some laughs by lifting the Ms. Pink while Mr. Green becomes more afflicted. It’s not the affliction or the reversal that gets the laughs, but by using some of the other causes of laughter effectively with these character, you’re more likely to get those grins and chuckles.

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Writing Funny: Traits of Comedic Characters

I’m nearly done with my comic thriller, The Worst Thing About Sam, so I wanted to re-post some of these “Writing Funny” tips I pulled together along the way:

Stereotypes are real. We all carry them and we represent that remark. If we’re wise or well-disciplined, we don’t take action on them–moving from stereotyping to discriminating. Stereotypes are often ignorant and unfair, but they can be funny. Playing off them–or creating them–effectively can help you get some laughs. You’ve seen it a thousand times: “Dumb Blonde” jokes, “What do you call a Lawyer,” jokes, and for those of us in Minnesota, the “Sven and Ole” jokes. The simple character descriptions make the characters simple-minded, removes their humanity, and makes them easy and funny targets.

Scott Dikkers says your comedic characters should be limited to just a couple traits. Well-developed characters can be funny, too, but it’s easier to get a light-hearted laugh if the audience isn’t also processing the character’s life-long baggage. Heavy stuff isn’t funny–except Chris Farley, John Belushi, and John Candy. They were heavy and HILARIOUS.

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“Her heart and smile… “from The Red Texts Club, by Andrea VanRyken

The Red Text Club starts with real and quirky characters who draw you in…much like this quote does.” Who doesn’t love someone with a heart and smile as big as all outdoors? I do, and I liked this description.

The Red Texts Club digs deeply and creatively into the teenage mind—more specifically the minds of teens dealing with depression. I struggled a little with some repetitive descriptive phrases, but overall enjoyed the read. Andrea VanRyken creates a diverse cast of colorful, talented, yet insecure teens that converge in a sci-fi world designed by and fitting for a person experiencing depression: bland landscape, murky shadows, faceless monsters, and more. The author also ties in characters that teens are bound to love, a curious puzzle-solver, a talented gamer, and a handsome athlete, all whom excel at something, but still question their worth. It featured kid-sized horror coupled with big-time creativity, and the story cleverly addresses depression, a real-life issues facing many of our young people today. (If that’s doesn’t describe most teens—and many adults—I don’t know what does.) You can learn more about Andrea and her work in GoodReads.

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